i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
