I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
