Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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