Your tits are I can't wait for
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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