flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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