ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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