i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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