i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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