FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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