My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
