everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
