Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
