your parents love me but you hate me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
