its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
