mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
