you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
