thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
