youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
