i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
