On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
