i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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