thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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