1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
