we made out on top of his cat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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