It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
