Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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