guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
