Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
