Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
