Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
