I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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