who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
