Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Randomize
