i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
