I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
