I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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