I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
