my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
