conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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