remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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