i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
