Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
