I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
