I feel like abortions should bother me more
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
