Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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