you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
