I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
