I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
