Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ttyl tear gas
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
