Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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