could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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