Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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