Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
