yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
there is glitter all over my balls
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