can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
