Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
