My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
