Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
