And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
