Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
